Joy is the Point

I came across Ólafur Arnalds’ “Happiness Does Not Wait” on a random Tuesday. It felt like a song that didn’t just find me by coincidence. It was reminding me that happiness—that joy—is fleeting. It won’t wait for you to notice. To look up and bask in its light.

What did you think the point was before you realized it was joy?

For most of my life, joy felt ambiguous. Hard to grasp, hard to hold onto.

Something on the other side of achievement. Felt only after you got the thing: the promotion; the relationship; the apartment; the healing; the version of yourself that finally had it all figured out.

Joy was something that came later.

Somewhere along the way, I started paying attention. That, or the universe slapped me with it.

I’d notice the little things: how the sun felt on my skin; how laughter shook my body; how a good book could move me; how music made me feel; how Cher kept standing back up in the early days post amputation.

I realized I could have a seemingly no good very bad day or moment or life, and joy still showed up. If I chose to let it in. If I chose to accept what came with it. If I chose to hold onto it, no longer waiting for it to choose me.

Joy brings with it a myriad of things.

Levity. Beauty. Lessons. Juxtaposition. Perspective. The list goes on.

For some sad reason, one I’ll get into later, I didn’t think I deserved joy. I didn’t deserve to be happy. To take care of myself. To require more from relationships. To have my needs met.

Now, any chance I get, I’m holding onto joy.

XOXO,

Lucy