Things I’ve Left Behind (And What I’m Keeping)

What a loaded statement.
Where do I even begin?

We’re back at that classic conundrum: having lived such a full, rich, invigorating life at only 29.

I’ve loved. I’ve grieved. I’ve overcome. I’ve unraveled.
And still – I keep getting back up.

Fear
At our staff retreat last January, I told my team I was leaving fear in 2024.
I had no room for it – not with what was ahead.

I chose to be strong.
I chose to keep going, even when I didn’t think I could.

Fear has been my friend all my life.
It kept me safe.
It brought me Georgette (my amygdala).
It also kept me stuck – in doubt, self-destruction, and pain.

I left fear behind. Not because I had to.
Because I wanted to.

My whole life, fear crept in quietly, subtly, always in disguise:

Am I good enough?
Do they like me?
Do I look okay?
Am I saying the right thing? Laughing at the right time? Mirroring my environment just enough to fly under the radar?

None of that served me.
And it sure as hell didn’t help during the Cher-amputation of it all…

I’ve left fear behind.
Sometimes it still creeps up – wearing the face of imposter syndrome or depression.
But I move through it now.
Rooted in gratitude.
Living in the present.
Dreaming toward the future.

Love

Love.
What a simple, sweet word.
This one? I’m keeping.

They say love is patient, love is kind, yada yada yada.
Sure – I’ll agree to that.
But I’d argue it’s so much more complex than that.

We’re taught as girls, from a young age, that love is something to strive for.
Something to earn.
Something you get from other people.

Over the years, the concept of love – especially self-love – was thrown at me like a cure-all:

“Just love yourself.”
“She acts like that because she doesn’t love herself.”
“He’s doing that out of love.”
“She’s like that because she wasn’t loved.”

How damaging is that?

That kind of messaging carved itself into me.
It became a belief. A rule. A truth I never consented to but lived by.

And that belief set me up for a lot of pain.

But when I went inward – deeply inward – and reflected on who I am, who I’ve been, and who I’m becoming…

It finally clicked.
I finally cracked the self-love code.

Now? I pour enough love into myself, it overflows.
It spills into places I didn’t even know were empty.

I love with boundaries.
I love with care, and honesty, and heart.

Love can be tough.
It can be gentle.
It can live in the in-between.

I’ve been challenged to love myself through the storm.
Through the self-doubt.
Through the self-hatred.
Through the crisis.

And I’m grateful for it all.

Cher? My friends? Together We Bake?
Pure, unadulterated love and friendship.

I’m sure I will continue wrestling with fear, but love? That one’s easy.

Talk soon,

XOXO Lucy